There’s a debate raging back in Australia for Marriage Equality. It’s a plebicscite, a postal vote to test where people stand, are you a “Yes” or a “No”? People are taking sides, speaking out in favor for or against, pasting posters on walls, filming ads for tv; everyday people, public figures, politicians, celebrities.
I’ve lived outside of Australia now for 22 years and experienced the joy of marrying my husband when the laws in the United States changed allowing us to stand in a courtroom in front of a judge, becoming husband and husband in the eyes of the law. It was more than a marriage, it was the full realization of a dream I’d had since childhood, that one day I would be able to marry the man of my dreams.
We like to say we’ve had our relationship “validated” three times. Each time the laws changed we took full advantage of them; first there was our Domestic Partnership, followed a few years later by our Civil Union and finally Marriage.
“I thought you were already married?” my sister asked.
“I know, its very confusing for us too.” I told her.
We chose the judge who had joined us in our Civil Union to marry us because of his impassioned speech about the inequality of Civil Unions but being bound by the law to not perform a marriage. He was on our side, so why not choose an ally to make us fully equal?
Our son was there along with three close friends to witness our marriage. I look at photographs from that day and there is so much to be thankful for. A husband and a father, dreams do come true!
I, like most of my gay friends, was raised by heterosexual parents in a family with many heterosexual siblings. I think sometimes people forget that LGBTQI individuals come from heterosexual parents. I grew up seeing my parents love their children and my siblings fall in love, marry, have families and in turn love their children. All of my family demonstrated to me that love can heal conflict, forgive grievances, accept shortcomings and make life richer. And they made me want what they had. They showed me the way to live my life, albeit on my own terms, but to dream my own dream in accordance with who I was.
I was the oddball. Once I’d grown and was living away from home I thanked my Mum for understanding me. I’d realized how when I was a teenager she’d allowed me an enormous amount of freedom and while not always understanding me, she trusted me.
“I just knew that if I didn’t let you go, you’d go off and I wouldn’t see you at all. I don’t know where you got it from, but you were always so different to the others,” she explained.
It’s true, I was different. I always knew I was. It was as surely a part of me as my eye colour or my freckles. It just was. The “difference” came to have a name as I grew into my teenage years, a name that was painful and vicious. It spat from mouths with a venom that was terrifying. I didn’t want to be “that”, so I learned to endure and survive until I was old enough to escape.
You can run but you can’t hide. It’s true. But run I did, into the midst of others who were different like me. Outsiders, rebels, rule breaker – we sought each other out. We bonded over our difference and enjoyed the freedom of the acceptance we had for each other. And I ran to an even bigger city with entire neighborhoods of outsiders. There I met more and more of my tribe. They were people who loved me and accepted me without judgment who encouraged me to be really be myself. To dream my dreams and live them.
Every young person has dreams and the chance to fulfill them is made possible by Equality. Not every LGBTQI person wants to marry, just as some of my straight friends don’t, or have children or live together, but to see the opportunity exist is paramount to the health and wellbeing of those people.
I look back in amazement at my own journey, the deepest desires I had as that young boy have come to be reality for me. I’m so glad I held on, through the very worst times of bullying and abuse, often by complete strangers who saw me as “different”. I want to tell every little boy and girl to hang in there, to hold on. It does get better and the change of this law will ensure it.